Well….the last six months have been….a lot. I don’t really know any other way to put the roller coaster of emotions I have been riding lately. My life before Miss America seemed ridiculously busy and fulfilling, but promising. I knew exactly what my goals were and exactly what I intended to do with my life. Insert eight months of continuous travel, consistent self-doubt, numerous new connections and before long I was left feeling like I had no idea who I was, or worse, where I was going. I would like to say that these past few months have helped me figure those things out, but if i’m honest with myself (and you), the time I have spent traveling, moving and floundering in these last few months has only made it worse. Being Miss America is a wonderful experience. The “year of service” provides countless opportunities to network and grow, but it is also very, very challenging. I was as prepared for the job as I could have ever been and, yet, so many aspects of the day in and out caught me off guard. I know, for a fact, that the beginning of what has culminated in down-right depression, was during my journey through Miss New York and Miss America. It just goes to show that no matter what image someone portrays….you really never know what’s going on. Social media sure can play tricks on you, huh?
All of that to say…I’ve been uncharacteristically unhappy lately. So much so that I have begun to worry myself (and apparently my mother, who surprised me at LAX this last Friday night as I got my baggage from the carousel). I have severed relationships, friendships and emotional ties with people that I usually turn to. I’ve relied on food and (worse) alcohol to cope. And, I have found that I am more content to hibernate in my house than do anything productive or forward moving. I am emotionally, physically and spirutally unhealthy. In this process I have hurt people (over and over and over again) who care about me, I have ignored my personal well-being and….frankly, I am sick of it.
SO! On to a new day. I hope. Regardless, I’m going to try. That has to count for something..right? I’ve decided that it’s time to get my act together on all accounts. I mean….we can’t move forward if we stay where we are.
I’ve decided to spend the next 60 days on a full-blown cleanse. In an attempt to regain my physical well-being, I will be sticking to an all Paleo diet and refraining from alcohol. Additionally, I am making a pact with myself to be active in the gym or otherwise at the very least 6 days a week (Lawd, help me).This aspect of my journey will, without a doubt, be the hardest. I. Can. Do. This. I will be looking for new recipes, posting food pictures, sharing workouts, etc. Feel free to leave me some new material!
For Christmas (or my Birthday…I don’t know?) I received a French Rosetta Stone and I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT……that I haven’t started yet. SO!!! In addition to my physical, emotional and spirtual journey….I’m on a mission to speak French by the time I get to Paris in mid June. BOOM. Join me for a Rosetta lesson every day. Hey! At least i’m not making you pay. ;)
That’s my blog. That’s the journey I’m on with God. Thats the book Artison Soul by Erwin McManus (if you want to follow along). That’s my twice a week experiences at church. That’s fashion, beauty and fun! That’s you guys! Read. Don’t read (Well..I hope you do). Share. Comment. Call. I don’t care! I’m just here to hold myself accountable, relay some fitness, cook some new recipes and share my volunteer experiences. I’m just trying to get to a happy place and right now, this is the way I know how.
If anything, I just want the people who follow to know that even those who appear to “have it all” sometimes feel like they have lost control. I have been blessed with an amazing family and the most supportive friends, but that doesn’t mean I always have it together. HOWEVER, the version of me that has been present lately is NOT who I am and I refuse to let her be a part of the amazing life I am meant to lead.
In counting down….the cleanse starts Wednesday. Who’s with me?